A FORMER SOUTHBAY MAN, CHRISTOPHER MELVIN HOLLAND, IS BEING CHARGED THIS WEEK WITH THE RAPE AND MURDER OF A SEVENTEEN- YEAR- OLD, CAMPBELL GIRL CYTHNIA MUNOZ. HE IS BEING HELD WITHOUT BAIL FOR THE 1983 RAPE AND MURDER.
You've given me a hard news lead that would work for print, but not for broadcast. You've also buried the main point -- that a guy's been arrested for a 24-year-old unsolved murder.
Start with an attention-getter like this:
A MURDER OF A CAMPBELL GIRL 24 YEARS AGO MAY FINALLY BE SOLVED.
Then go to your current lead.
You might want to review the lead examples in Chapter 9 of the text and in my "Tips for Writing for Broadcast" pdf.
1 comment:
You've given me a hard news lead that would work for print, but not for broadcast. You've also buried the main point -- that a guy's been arrested for a 24-year-old unsolved murder.
Start with an attention-getter like this:
A MURDER OF A CAMPBELL GIRL 24 YEARS AGO MAY FINALLY BE SOLVED.
Then go to your current lead.
You might want to review the lead examples in Chapter 9 of the text and in my "Tips for Writing for Broadcast" pdf.
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