Fire Fighter saves Man
Yesterday evening a fire broke loose in a single story home on Annapolis Way in San Jose. San Jose fire Captain Rob Piper rescued a man named Robert Kent whom he described as being in his 50’s and was retired.
The fire started in the kitchen and spread to the attic, as smoke engulfed the whole house. Kent was pulled out of the kitchen and was surrounded by flames. Kent had second and third degree burns on half of his body when he was found on the kitchen floor unconscious. He is at Valley Medical Center and is listed in grave condition.
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1 comment:
Avoid starting a lead with the "when" and/or "where" of a story -- that's rarely the most interesting or newsworthy part of the story.
Ask yourself "what" happened. In this case, what's in your headline this:
Firefighters rescued an unconscious San Jose man from his burning home on Annapolis Street yesterday.
Then ID the guy in graf 2, explain what happened, and close with his condition.
One other big problem -- you've got a fact error. Although Capt. Piper is your source, no where does it say that he rescued the man. Better fix that.
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